Monday, June 1, 2009

No Eye Contact!

We've all experienced someone annoying. Someone that's made us roll our eyes, chuckle or even made us say a choice word either behind their back or to their face. But what about those people who are stuck going through their life with an invisible sign on their backs that seem to read over and over, "Invade my space and hurt my feelings anytime you want!". And the right dysfunctional person will see that sign and suck the emotional blood dry like a starving vampire! Well, if you or someone you know might suffer from this painful situation, (having a sign, not vampire-ism)don't despair, now there's help!

"NO EYE CONTACT" is the new patented system to survive toxic relationships and dysfunctional family gatherings. Our motto is to NEVER SPEND ANOTHER HOLIDAY CELEBRATION CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE AFTER DESSERT. With our proven system, after 1 hour of using the "NO EYE CONTACT" strategy--- even your evil kleptomaniac Aunt Betty won't be harping on your choice of clothing or why you're not dating the right people. Call now for your free money back 30 day trial of this valuable system. If you're not completely satisfied (meaning your annoying co-worker doesn't stop speaking to you about how worthless you are, or crazy old opinionated ladies in grocery stores keep stopping to chat with you) we'll give you your money back and you're welcome to keep the *free* no obligation gift of your choice of full strength Xanax, or fine cut Cuban Ganja. Act now and the first 100 callers to 1(800) 555-5555 will receive a free complimentary box of Trader Joe brand Peanut Butter Cups sure to make any long drive with a speeding spouse doable!Warning: Using the "NO EYE CONTACT" system may induce spontaneous estrangement from toxic family members, loss of employment, removal from parental wills, or serious physical harm while crossing the street. People who experience loss of healthy minded friends should discontinue using the system as this product is only recommended for people with serious dysfunction and toxicity in their lives.

(C) ALSH, 2009 All Rights Reserved.


"Trust me this works! I tried it with a hard to deal with relative that shall be left nameless and after a one hour dinner while she was talking about who-knows-what and insulting me...I used the "make no eye contact and give one word answers while smiling friendly-like" technique, and now...we're BFF's!" Lynne from Chicago, IL.

"I didn't think this would work, I mean, come on---no looking at someone? But this system taught me to use NO EYE CONTACT in ways I never thought possible! There's this one technique I used for when my needy using relative kept asking for money that I knew she'd never pay back. I was instructed to make off like I was going to lend her the money, but first I should describe how sick I'd been and when I got to describing the color of my loose stools, it was relative made up and excuse to get off the phone and hasn't called me back asking for the money! And that was over a year ago!" Ally from Port Washington, WI


  1. I am very honored to be your first follower!! I am hooked now..when can I order??

  2. ROFL...well, keep trying that number and eventually someone will answer! : ) OR perhaps...they are deciding it's best if there is NO EYE CONTACT ::grin::
    Thanks for signing up! xxoo